Top 20 keithasaurus Highest Rated Reddit Posts of All Time

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14,762
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 221

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 19
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 2

I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 9
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 0

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 23
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 6

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 3
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 1

My wife refuses to go to Karaoke with me.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 12
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 0

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 9
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 1

What do you call a cheap wig?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 105
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 7

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 735
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 89

I started a diet two weeks ago.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 8
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 0

What present can you give to the woman who has everything?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 24
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 3

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 1

I'd tell you a good time travel joke

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 0

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 31
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 2

I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 391
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 20

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 36
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 2

This guy just tried to throw dough, cheese, and tomatoes at me.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 8
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 0

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 10
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 5

My wife said that our son feels neglected.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 12
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 3

I looked up opaque in the dictionary

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 52
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 2

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 6
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 1

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 17,578
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 1173

You think you are introverted?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 31
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 2

A guy walks into the doctors office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 94
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 4

A word of advice: Don't run behind cars.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 43
Published : 4 weeks ago
Comments : 4

I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and Peace" in about 10 seconds.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 17
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

A Viking is arguing with his wife.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 5

Why didn't Hitler go to strip clubs?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 183
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 9

When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 200
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 17

Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 812
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 39

I like using self-deprecating humor.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 299
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 5

There's this hot girl in my college writing class.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 28
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

What do you call a wizard with a good outlook on life?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1,330
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 47

Why was Lara Croft sad?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 25
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

My friend has a butler with a missing left arm.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 24
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

I'd like to move to the fifth most populated city in France.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 205
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 14

What does a cannibal call a skateboarder?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 10
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 17
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 245
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 9

So, a stutterer was a wedding.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 5
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 9
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

What do you call a newborn baby?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 35
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 8

I went to the dentist.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 480
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 42

What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2,665
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 82

What did the man say to his brother?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

A man is on a photo safari in Africa, when he finds an elephant in distress, lying in the bushes. Upon inspection, he finds that the elephant has a large, sharp rock embedded in the bottom of its foot. He carefully pulls the rock free, and the elephant gets up and saunters away.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 48
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 7

What did the one continental plate say to the other after the earthquake?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 43
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

Do you guys like Civil War jokes?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 16
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

I married a beautiful woman — a smart one, too.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 194
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 9

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

I can sympathize with batteries.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 25
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

What headphones does United Airlines use?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

A mechanic dies, and, not being a very religious man, gets sent to hell. While in hell, the mechanic meets Satan, and he is shown the ins and outs of Hell.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 343
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 38

I finally found a girl who is like my mother in every way!

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 51
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 16
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2,730
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 74

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 6
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

When I see lover's names carved in a tree I don't think it's sweet.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 5
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

I went for my interview to be a bus driver.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 480
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 23

My wife is turning 32 soon..

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 160
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 12

An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 52
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

I sleep better naked.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 229
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 7

I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 160
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

How many Nazis does it take to finish a race?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 100
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 10

Did you hear about the guy with a stutter who died in prison?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 22
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

What bounces and makes kids cry?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 18
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

Statistics say that 1/3 of people cheat in their relationships.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 48
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

I saw a chameleon today...

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 331
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 15

I cry every time after sex.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 16,888
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 319

Being a man is like being a bowl of soup.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 415
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 37

Two guys meet in a bar, and over drinks, one of them turns to the other and says, "Erm, I have to confess something, I'm a masochist, I like it when people hurt me."

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 39
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 5

I'm reading a horror book written in braille.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1,214
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 37

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 AM.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 31
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

What noise does a cat make going down the highway?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 77
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 13

What is the gender of Iron Man?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 47
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 15

I have no problem getting women into the sack.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 10
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 83
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 7

What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 164
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 6

Me: "Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!!"

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 23,113
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 235

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1,414
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 56

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 3

So, Schrodinger walks into a vet with his cat.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 195
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 16

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 78
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 14

When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie...

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 10
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 413
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 25

Why was 10 traumatized?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 29,911
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 560

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14,722
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 598

Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 299
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 16

What's the difference between a circus and a whore house?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 13
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

A man walks into a bar and spies two lovely women sitting by the entrance. As he walks towards the bar, he sees one tap the other shoulder and point at him. She looks him up and down and says "9", followed by giggling.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 35
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 0

Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right?

Author : keithasaurus
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 93
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 9