Top 20 fatandsalt Highest Rated Reddit Posts of All Time

I just bought a border collie.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 34
Published : 3 days ago
Comments : 3

At willcall for a concert, I start a conversation with the lady in front of me.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 5
Published : 4 days ago
Comments : 0

Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1
Published : 1 week ago
Comments : 0

What's black and never works?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4,399
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 204

Did you hear where the new Tesla factory is being built?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 12
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 2

Sex is like Broccoli.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 92
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 13

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms.'

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 1

An alcoholic wakes up in jail.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2,877
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 36

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 3
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 0

When I was young, at bedtimes...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 326
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 14

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 215
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 4

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 43
Published : 2 weeks ago
Comments : 5

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 21
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 3

What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 205
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 18

What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 4

I just bought the new iPhone, but my son dropped it and the screen shattered.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 1

I had a job interview recently, and the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 440
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 31

Today is International Women's Day.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 32
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 2

Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 72
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 9

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 26
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 3

Why should you knock before you open the fridge door?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 1

A young woman is at her doctor's appointment when the doctor says, "Ma'am, I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant."

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2,971
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 81

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire:

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1,104
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 48

I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 159
Published : 3 weeks ago
Comments : 16

Did you know pigeons die after they have sex?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 65
Published : 4 weeks ago
Comments : 27

Why was Yoda afraid of 7?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 32,080
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 648

Why do you get aroused when you look in the mirror?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

"Dad, why did you and mom name me Blue?"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 4
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 5

My crazy ex-wife divorced me because I was bad at directions.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

Why do Paedophiles never win races?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 20
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

What kind of ant is good at math?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 16
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot then looks into his pocket.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 10
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

How do you make a plumber cry?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

My wife has a body of a 12 year old.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 22
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

It's very rare that a defibrillator fails.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 47
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

I've recently got a job making chess pieces.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 81
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 8

My house cleaner is getting really annoying.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 6
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole. I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 20
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 822
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 23

Why do Irish people only put 239 beans on their toast?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 5
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

What do Mexicans cut their pizzas with?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 56
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

Met a woman at the bar the other night. She was absolutely stunning. At least at 11/10.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 3
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 2

What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 181
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 14

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

A programmer tells his wife, "I'm going to the store."

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 26
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 8

My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 3
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 21
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

I was in the confessional booth today, and I asked the priest if he thought it would be a good idea to stop masturbating.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 39
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 339
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 29

After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 14
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 34
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

What do you call 6.02*10^23 butts?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 34
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

Someone called me racist for saying "black paint."

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 941
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 32

God damned millennials!

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 18
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

I'm so sick of people saying stealing is wrong.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 134
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 11

How many EA employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 237
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 20

"Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 0

What's green and fluffy?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 7
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 695
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 8

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 5

To celebrate Star Wars we baked some "Wookie Cookies".

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 24
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

Sauron is a great name.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 41
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 11
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 6

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 17
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 735
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 30

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 8
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 1

So I was fucking my sister, and she stops me and says, "Wow you fuck just like Dad."

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 1
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 3

I just found out I'm colorblind

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 209
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 10

I used to have a job crushing cans.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 1
Published : 1 month ago
Comments : 4

My sexual desires have been getting out of control.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 429
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 12

There's a hole in the nudist camp's wall

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 7
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 0

A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 112
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

I can't understand my parents.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 6
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 0

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine and asks, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 21
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

Climate change is such a joke.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 31
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 7

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

I always wanted to be a doctor.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 19
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 2,455
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 34

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 1,346
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 25

A child asked his father, "Why do good people die young?"

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 71
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 8

What is the worst thing about sex in a cemetery?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 235
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 15

When does a joke become a Dad Joke?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 42
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 5

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 23
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 3

TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 73
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 6

How is God just like every other man?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 81
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 6

I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 12
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

I went to the doctors office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young, female, and drop-dead gorgeous.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 871
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 23

What should you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 15
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

My friend asked me if I could name two different structures that hold water.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 7,763
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 113

How do you piss off a female archaeologist?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 242
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 17

I was nervous leaving my ex in the backyard with my wife.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 0

If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 104
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 3

A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 62
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 8

I recently started the new Brexit diet.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 28
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 2

So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 3
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

Today my son was sent home from school for receiving a hand-job from a girl in his class for the third time this year. Each time this has happened he has been given a stern talking to from the principal and had to change schools.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 62
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 4

I'm 40, and I've got a condom still unused from my 18th birthday.

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 0
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 1

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : Jokes
Points : 21
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 5

If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then...

Author : fatandsalt
Subreddit : dadjokes
Points : 10
Published : 2 months ago
Comments : 7