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Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.
Would you remarry if I die......
My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry...
My wife bought a new bra, it's really hard to unhook.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Why do programmers think Halloween and Christmas are the same?
So we all know that 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
It’s almost December at the White House, and Donald Trump orders his aides to put up a nativity scene on the lawn...
I went to the shop to buy 6 cans of Sprite.
So there’s this guy going around dipping his testicles in glitter
Why did the cranberry sauce cross the road?
Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...
What do the films Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
A friend of mine, a mother of 4 refused to get her children vaccinated.
Once I saw a kid getting bullied by 4 kids so I decided to step in
Two bats sat in a tree...
Did you hear about the man with 5 penises?
Time to confess.
father:how are your grades son?
I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.
A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas
I made a club about erectile dysfunction.
So a woman was in bed with her lover when her husband unexpectedly came back early from a business trip.
It’s 1961, and a NASA scientist is sitting in his office when an intern bursts in
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
How many alzhiemers patients does it take to change a light bulb?
[Long] A boy is picking up his girlfriend for prom.
Guy: ‘Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the condom never broke. How is it possible?’
My grief counsellor died the other day..
Don't argue with an anti-vaxxer.
Two men are caught trying to hold up a bank.
TIL The Canary Islands do not have canaries.
G.W. Bush, Obama and Trump die and go to heaven...
When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought I had made a new friend...
What present can you give to the woman who has everything?
At a local college dance,
What do you call a bad riddle?
The driver from a Hit and Run was arrested
One day an engineer was crossing a road when
What snaps, crackles and pops when you throw them on the ground?
White people can't say the N word, but..
Two vampires are having dinner at a restaurant.
What do you call a bunch of Nazi dogs???
A man commisions his three kids to each sell a duck
Berman lives in Alabama and works a new construction job on weekdays.
I think my wife is a weather forecaster...
What’s the hardest part of raising unvaccinated kids?
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently...
So apparently shops are now selling tampons with bells on.
At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little
A vegan walks into a bar
My Twin and I Were Born on Black Friday
Jesus and Satan had been arguing constantly about who had better computer skills...
Does anyone else hate it when a girl pulls the “I have a boyfriend” line on you when you aren’t even remotely interested in her?
There are two types of people in this world. Condescending assholes and...
What is the differrence between a Saudi murderer and a Mexican murderer?
Did you know Nebraska has the highest rate of depression and extramarital activity?
Which fruit always comes in groups of 2?
Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner
The carbon monoxide detector is really annoying.
When your not hard
If A Pothead Has 13 Joints
What did the Romaine lettuce say to the other one after the outbreak?
Person 1: I like Eminem
Last night I was at the bar when the waitress screamed...
A guy was extremely unfortunate
An unexpected visitor
Ha - mildly amusing
I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculators anonymous meeting
Guys, I think the Monks are forming a Resistance..
What does an Australian dinner out and a chess match have in common?
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
There was a blackout tonight.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach?
What’s the best part about being a flight attendant?
What's the most important thing for a horse when voting?
What do you call a 10th grader that’s into Chemistry?
What did Piccolo say to Frieza?
A guy’s wife of many years says to him, honey, I want a boob job....
After a long debate with my wife, we decided that we would not vaccine our kids.
I watched a "No Nut November" themed midget porn.
What's a pirates favourite type of deer?
An Anti-Vaxx Mom visits her 4 year old child..
A man staggers into an emergency room
Two Irishmen on Holiday
It turns out that I am really good at drawing..
If you watch an Apple store get robbed,
I have sexdaily.
Two goldfish are in a tank.
Why are port holes on a ship round?
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Two Americans, Frank and Joe, are on vacation in Australia...
Why did CSI Alabama fail?
My dad went to jail for beating the crap out of his best friend forever for saying,
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die.
I just watched a documentary about how boats are put together.
Your mama is so flat
My wife told me that people shouldn’t stare at her ass because it’s asinine