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I like my women like I like my coffee
My wife left me because I’m too insecure
My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.
My girlfriend says our lovemaking is so bad because I'm so easily distracted!...
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Astronaut 1: I can’t find any milk for my coffee
What do you call 20 rabbits walking backwards?
As a scarecrow, people say I'm out standing in my field...
An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot
My friend shouted, “You have a BA, a Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!”
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob.' Bob was stunned.
A man caught his wife in bed with her lover and killed her.
What do you get when you melt the wizard of oz?
What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?
Rene Descartes walks into a bar
Why do witches wear name tags?
My acne is like the US in the Middle East
My son is so ungrateful
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
Do you know why I don't do threesomes?
I like my women like I like my whiskey...
Finally got a girlfriend
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
Where do horses go when they get sick?
When my grandfather died, we scattered his remains in the sea.
A wise man once said that for a man to be happy, he must:
So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living
An Amish woman and her daughter
A mechanic dies, and, not being a very religious man, gets sent to hell. While in hell, the mechanic meets Satan, and he is shown the ins and outs of Hell.
As a doctor, I am weirdly addicted to hitting my patients on their knees to test their reflexes.
A man goes to an interest-free bank.
No matter how much you push the envelope
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
The bartender says "we don't serve time travellers in here!"
When you sneeze and fart at the same time..
I caught my girlfriend sleeping with my best friend.
Did you hear about the psychic midget who broke out of jail?
Whats the sign on a out of business brothel say?
A man's wife goes into labor
A blind guy walks into a bar
Do you guys know any good ice breakers?
I don't usually tell Dad jokes.
A guy got thrown in the jail for refusing to take a nap..
A mother walks into her son's room
Prostitutes are a lot like regular women
My therapist warned me that my chronic procrastination will negatively affect my life, but I’m not too worried.
I also like my coffee like I like my women.
Why do porn sites have a share to Google+ option?!
Pharaoh, surrounded by family and advisors, tells everyone that he can jump in the river and not get wet at all
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said, “Let there be light!”
George W. Bush, Barrack Obama and Donald Trump died and stand in front of God
What does my girlfriend’s pussy and the mafia have in common?
What type of bee produces milk?
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
What can tell the difference between an Australian and an American?
Police asked the husband "Did you witness the suspect murder your wife?" The husband said "Yes."
Two men were auditioning for a play...
Why was the frog waiting for the bus
My roomate thought I was stealing her dried clothes and confronted me.
Why is it safe to have unprotected sex with a vampire?
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest when they stumble across a magic lamp.
If you think about it, Y is just a T
What do you call people who take care of chickens?
Gays in Syria
If gay means happy...
Why was r/jokes afraid of 7?
What do you call a girl who never masturbates?
I CAN'T GET INTO MY HAT CUPBOARD!
The bar is ten minutes from my house, however...
Why don't blind people bungee jump?
Two men visit a local pub known for serving animal hunters
This morning was all about Shakespeare. This afternoon it's all about his poetry.
What is a pirate's worst fear?
What's the opposite of a fish out of water?
My wife and I are debating whether or not to get marble countertops in our kitchen
I like my men like I like my coffee
Whats my age again?
Why is a panda the opposite of a redneck?
Who provides snacks and refreshments at klan rallies?
Why did the spoon go to the dentist?
I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket...
Found this in an old email from my grandpa.
my wife says size doesn't matter
“Mummy, Mummy, can I lick the bowl?”
I like my women how I like my coffee
What do you call a man with nobody and just a nose
What do you call adults with imaginary friends?
Old McDonald got a promotion
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake....
You want to know what I don’t get?
Michael Jackson was made up of diatomic Helium.
What is the cheapest meat?
What is E.T. Short For?
Can a man who sleeps with a prostitute be called a farmer?