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"Mom, I'm dating a man."
My girlfriend said she didn't think it was possible to seriously injure yourself by masturbating
A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
Why are monks so good at protesting?
I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function,
Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
2 pilots meet
A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster tales for a cent on the menu.
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Man trys nude sunbathing and burns his dick
Studies say obesity is the main cause of erectile dysfunction
Will glass coffins be popular some day?
I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
A lady is speeding over a bridge.
So, John received a parrot, as a gift.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
Jim and John wanted a drink real bad, but they barely had a euro between them
Why do norwegians put barcodes on their ships?
A racist man walks into a bar...
why do people go to Starbucks to write books?
Once upon a time
A young man walked into a bank
What do you call a communist sniper
I can't believe my girlfriend stole a massive dildo from a sex shop we were in without me noticing!
Its not anal bleaching
There was a little old lady at my bank.
What is the most popular type of tree in California?
Most people write congrats
It's amazing how Seasons work. I'm in Japan, it's mid December and I'm freezing...
The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"
Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.
I just got banned from /r/fashion
Kid: Dad, what are condoms used for?
Dave rubs a magic lamp and the genie grants him 3 wishes.
A young man brings his new girlfriend home for dinner and to meet his parents for the first time.
A limbo champion walks into a bar..
3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]
Vladimir Putin is taking Donald Trump on a private tour of the Moscow Zoo.
My buddy told me nothing rhymes with orange.
How Many Grammar Nazis Does It Take Too Change A Light Bulb?
A guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven
A blind man walks into a bar.
A good percentage of my friends are either racist, sexist, or Nazis.
I saw a monkey at the zoo who was a fruitiphile.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Someone made a movie about r/Jokes
I came up with this joke about wild pigs but...
Talk about ungrateful....
The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous…
Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?
What does a priest and a McDonalds have in common
Yesterday, I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person...
Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".
How does a jewish man make coffee?
I heard it was difficult to do a self circumcision...
Genie: You have three wishes
If at first, you don't succeed
Why did the music teacher go to jail?
My daughter asked me, "Daddy, why is your nose in the middle of your face?"
If a girl tells you she will be ready in 5 minutes...
Wife : Come over
I may not know how to bake toilet paper
Why do French tanks have mirrors?
Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
Mexican names tend to have multiple syllables
Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?
Last night, my psychic told me I was going to win the lottery, and quit my job.
Once, a grandson was talking to his grandmother
One of my classmates made everyone falsely believe that I was gay
Been dating the same girl for 5yrs.
Have you noticed the hundreds of “My Suicide Story” videos on YouTube?
A young guy comes to the city for a job ....
Why don't furries shake hands?
I went to the liquor store yesterday.....
My marriage is like a fairytale
An American ship is next to German land
What do you call a vacuum that interferes with the legal system?
YouTube Rewind 2018
My favorite form of birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom...
The family is at the dining table.
A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park
So American man goes to China...
Even if you don't notice any improvement from acupuncture,
A relationship is a lot like a fart
Doctor: So do you want the good news, or the bad news?
What do you call an Arab investor?
There are some things you can’t say with a straight face.
College is like a wife...
The little girl
If you ever feel like you’ve failed, a lot of people dislike you, and your out of touch with the people who rely on you, just remember one thing:
What do you call a regular potato discussing the news?
What’s the difference between me and America?
What is the difference between an erection and an election?
What does Santa Claus have in common with a teenaged boy?
What's the difference between a French kiss and a Belgian kiss?
Oranges are actually either male or female...
An old lady visits her doctor.