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You need to sit him down and have a conversation about how it makes you feel, both the frequency (or infrequency) and what happens during. It took me far too long to realise this but enjoyment of sex should be an equal thing.
Well, after he cums, ask him to get you off either by oral or fingering (or vibe, whatever blows your skirt up). When you are NOT nekkid in bed, have a conversation about how it's easy to get complacent (I think it's laziness, but I wouldn't use that word) and it takes work to keep things going. Ask him what he'd like to try or what ideas he might have to spice things up a bit. Point being, stop reassuring him it's okay if it's not okay with you.
It’s a good thing this isn’t a deal breaker for you bc this is the kind of thing that only gets worse over time.
Sit him down and lay it all out for him in a nonjudgmental fashion. Then ask him to work with you towards a solution.
I think you are in the classic high libido/ low libido situation. Odds are he won’t change. It doesn’t hurt to try but the classic scenario is 1. Heartfelt discussion about your needs 2. Few weeks of more sexual attention 3. Return to previous pattern.
r/deadbedrooms will be educational
"it usually ends with me reassuring him that it’s ok and I still had a good time."
Guys aren't mind readers. If you tell him its fine, he's gonna take your word for it, and think your satisfied.
Just tell him what you want. 9/10 men would prefer women to tell them.
I think it's extremely important that you have a very honest and open conversation about this. This can be corrected, but I think he's unknowingly letting your sex life go stale, keeping the spice alive is constant work and a lot of people just get comfortable in a relationship and let things die off.
Express the frequency you're wanting and what would improve the quality for you too. Ask him to be honest, even if it feels uncomfortable, because that will help solve what's going on a lot easier. Communication is a huge part of a healthy sex life!
This isn’t really that complicated. You tell him in a serious sit-down what you need. You say, I’m not fulfilled and this is what I need from you. If he doesn’t follow through, you decide what’s more important to you - your non-sexual boyfriend, or the opportunity to find someone else to be sexually fulfilled with.
Most of these situations are simple like that
Girl I'm going through the same exact thing, so I understand how bad you're feeling about yourself. Honestly he could be masturbating and watching porn. I hate to suggest that but it turned out to be that in my case. He was rejecting me and only having sex with me like once a month if I was lucky, yet watching porn/thinking of other girls to masturbate every other day and lying about it for many months. This is hard to get past, I'm still struggling not to feel to disgusted with myself to let him see me naked and its been some time. I still have that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach every single time I look in a mirror. If he is already making you feel this way about yourself then this relationship may not can be fixed, as wonderful as everything else might be. Don't get me wrong, there's a chance things can be worked past. But he should be working hard to keep you from feeling this way, and the fact that he isn't is concerning. I hope for the best for you, regardless of if its with that relationship or with a future one! And I'm sure you're a wonderful person, I know me being a random stranger on the internet probably doesn't make you feel any better but I do hope that you begin to be happy with yourself!
I read most comments and there is some solid advice, but there is one thing that I found weird about the original post, "so it usually ends with me reassuring him that it’s ok and I still had a good time.".
I understand that you don't want to disappoint him by telling him that you are not satisfied, but then you are the dissatisfied one, I personally value honesty a whole lot and I'm the one that searches for the hard conversations. If my girlfriend has some issue she's free to lay it on me but she doesn't, she's passive aggressive about it, I ask nicely until I'm fed up of that bullshit, so I aggressively say "what the fuck is wrong?" and once I put it that way she just blurts out whatever has bothered her for some time, I just listen and then try to make it work for both of us.
You have to take a similar approach, he masturbates daily, so it isn't different sex drives, or maybe he's just after the instant gratification that it provides; you say that he cares so much about you, then you have to tell him the truth, you don't enjoy your sex life, you need something more or different, be an adult and approach him with the truth, otherwise you'll have to accept the complacent life and you'll probably find your satisfaction on another place, another man, or maybe break up with him and then find that man.
Frustration builds up and being up front and honest both with him and yourself is the best approach, is this what you want long term? are you willing to accept less sex in exchange for better sex or do you need both quantity and quality? What does he needs to provide to you and what do you like to provide to him to be satisfied and satisfy him? Maybe he needs and wants more of what you were giving him and he doesn't know how to ask so he closed up. All those questions and more are the ones that you must ask yourself and to him, communication is the key to any relationship.
Good luck and hope you figure all this out.
23F here. I felt the exact same way about a couple years into our relaionship with my bf. I think once the new love and excitement drops down to earth again this is pretty common. Eventually I stopped trying for sex for a while and took care of that myself. I did masturbate in secret a lot, maybe not the best way to deal with it. But anyhow, a couple of months later he does wanna have sex a lot more again, more than me even. I also went and am going through some stuff so my sex drive isnt as high as it used to be. I think its normal with different sex routines from time to time. It will change, hang in there. Let him come to you.
In the words of a wise man, "for every beautiful girl, there's a guy who's sick of fucking her"
What turns guys on is novelty.
Babe, soz but it's normal.