|Submited on :||Fri, 13th of Jul 2018 - 13:34:05 PM|
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Are you in a support group for your sobriety? Maybe they would have some advice on how to reconnect with estranged family members.
You will never be perfect, no one is. I don't kmow your whole situation but i don't see much of a reason not to at least talk to the mother of your child. Best case scenario you get to be a part of your daughter's life. Worst case scenario things are as they are now. And at that point all you can do is realize you can't change the past, and there are many things outside of your control.
As far as resources go, i think seeing a therapist could really help you. Best of luck.
I agree with other posters that a support group for your sobriety could be a really good research for this ... The best advice that I have is that if you do eventually reach out, make sure that you respect her mother first and foremost. Understand that her overwhelming desire is almost certainly to protect her baby, and that she has no way of truly knowing how much she can or cannot trust you. Understand that while your desire to be in your child's life is natural and a good desire, you have not been a parent in the same way her mother has ... you didn't carry her inside you, risk your health and life to bring her into the world, and remake your entire life around her. The absolute most important thing you can do if you try to reach out is build a solid relationship of respect and trust with your daughter's mother. If you attack her mother or try to bring her down, your daughter may never forgive you.
(Of course this is assuming her mother is not abusive, negligent, etc. And all of this may be stuff you would never do anyway. I don't know the situation.) My source: daughter of divorce, was very close with my father but when he went after my mother and started trying to tear into her life to get access to us, my relationship of trust with him was permanently broken. He turned out to abuse all of us, unfortunately. I do truly believe that estranged fathers can approach the mothers of their children in a respectful manner and develop a functioning relationship with their children in many circumstances, but ultimately this is her baby, whom she has birthed and raised, and you need to be respectful of that bond and of her duty to protect her child.
I'm thinking your biggest challenge is the 'emotionality' of it all. Missing your child is totally normal, and good for you that you wanna do whatever you can to see her again.
Don't let your emotions get the best of you though. If you still have a legal right to see her, then jump through all the hoops you have to.
If you don't have a legal right to see her, keep working on your life and wish for the best.
Worst case scenario; Your daughter comes looking for you later in life, when she's older. Make sure that you have a life and a home to welcome her into by then.
One thing all children want the most, is stability and a lack of negativity.
You can't blame em for that, and you can't blame your ex for wanting to provide that at all costs.
Be glad you have this wake-up call. Some people realize how valuable their kids are way too late.
You gotta fight though, and it might take some serious time. But getting things right, is way more important than getting there fast though.
Quick fixes and bad ideas go hand in hand.
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