|Submited on :||Fri, 13th of Jul 2018 - 02:47:05 AM|
|Post ID :||8ycith|
|Post Name :||t3_8ycith|
|Post Type :||text|
|Subreddit Type :||public|
|Subreddit ID :||t5_2r2jt|
"You know how some people have Resting Bitch Face? Well it seems I'm stuck with the opposite. It makes people think I like them a lot more than I really do. Please don't assume that just because it looks like I'm smiling that I'm available. I'm not."
As for your coworkers they sound insane.
And I hate to tell you but dressing down can just make you seem more approachable to some people.
My RBF, not making eye contact, has saved me multiple times. Short clipped answers, not making conversation with people who make me uncomfortable at work works too. You are a beautiful young woman in this world and unfortunately it's something you have to deal with. It shouldn't be but like others have said, carry mace, tell people to fuck off if you don't feel like the situation would escalate to violence. Most importantly, take care of yourself.
Wow, I'm a guy and I feel horrible for you. I can't believe there's so many people out there that do this kind of thing on a daily basis. I wish people would be formally taught on how to behave in a socially acceptable manner. I know you shouldn't have to, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep an audio recording device on you in case you need evidence of someone speaking in a vulgar way to you. I really hope things start to get better for you.
At work, HR is your friend. Lousy HR? Get a new job with a good human resources department. Carry pepper spray and also if possible, a taser/stun gun. Some places require a permit for the taser.
Ignore as much as you can. You don't want to escalate any situation because that can possibly become very bad very quickly. We all love a snappy response and those moments have their place, but never in a situation where you are alone or in general, not surrounded by plenty of other people. There are a lot of crazy assholes that will take offense and might think following you is a good idea. Don't resort to insults; think up some good responses meant to cause discomfort instead of anger.
I hope these douchebags don't jade you too much. I can't imagine how exhausting this must be. The older you get, the stronger you will feel. It's all bullshit to deal with but also it will empower you.
Are you me? It's not what you wear, it's that you're beautiful. You could wear a trash bag as a dress and it wouldn't stop them. I've been dealing with this stuff for almost about a decade and while the approach I'm about to give some examples of takes practice, once you pick it up it's super smooth sailing. Jerks don't deserve your good behavior, get rude with them the way they're rude to you. Here's a few of the things that work for me:
cue dude grabbing me in a bar
me, loudly: "Woah, what the hell! Don't grab me, you pervert! Bartender, did you see that guy in the red shirt grab me? He pinched my butt really hard, total stranger! I feel so violated, like I should get authorities involved. He's still over there, lurking, staring at me. I don't feel safe. I think I'll call the police in case he tries to follow me out of the bar or something; it's happened before."
Threatening to bring the police to an establishment will send the employees scrambling to remove the source of the problem. Sometimes the social shame coupled with the threat of action from management, a bouncer, or some other authority will stop the predator from repeating his nasty behavior.
cue guy showing unsolicited dick pic on on subway
me: "Wish I had a picture of my huge penis to show you since you like dicks so much, but I just got a new phone and all my old stuff's gone." louder: "Oh well, gotta swap seats now. Please don't follow me."
cue guy sending unsolicited dic pic
me: cue sending of a large black penis, "Mine's bigger, you like this bb?" then block the account or number
cue coworker harassing me for a date
me: "I'm keeping it professional. I will not date you, and it's not just because you're my coworker. Sorry not sorry. Good luck with the whole shitting where you sleep thing, but count me out."
guy in a goodwill (no lie, this actually happened to me): "Can I pay you for a good time?"
guy: "Can I take a picture of you for $20?"
me: "I'm starting to feel super creeped out. I'm not interested in being your fap material. Like, do I know you? No? Good, let's keep it that way. Please excuse me, but I'm done speaking with you."
me: "I know you prefer whores to bitches. Sorry I don't meet your standards; you don't meet mine either."
during an interview, the prospective boss: "I think you're great for this position. I also think it'd be great if you go home, get dolled up, and put on a nice dress so I can take you out tonight."
me: "I just realized that I can dodge a major bullet by applying to the office next door instead. Sorry we wasted each other's time."
Do you get the idea? It seems rude, but they're expecting you to be agreeable and timid. Gotta turn those tables.
Holy crap. Reading this Reddit makes me think people have no common decency any more. What are people teaching their kids?
I know you mentioned you don’t feel unsafe in general, but please make sure you have mace or something (this goes for all women reading this). I’m sorry you have to deal with this, and unfortunately your sweet and kind nature is going to be affected, you are going to have to work on turning your smile into a don’t fuck with me (and that is not even going to work 50% of the time). I’ve dealt with the same bs, attractive, welcoming, kind by nature, warm. Living in NY toughened me up a bit, but the shit still happened. I’m older now and just starting to get some relief (women say they are never happier than when they reach the age where they aren’t noticed anymore — bittersweet relief!). The other day, at a red light with my windows down a construction truck pulled up with a few guys, I immediately caught my breath preparing for the onslaught, preparing my comebacks. They didn’t do a thing. I literally wanted to flag them down and thank them. Learn to be a “bitch” — you know that thing we are called when we protect our personal space, ignore harassment, and stand up to abuse. And, unfortunately, please carry mace or something (all y’all reading this!) And feel free to grieve the fact that you can’t just be yourself. You are not allowed to simply exist. You exist solely for the gratification of men (it would seem and could be argued its true, but that’s a discussion for a class at university). You have to ask social groups how to not be your natural smiling self so you attract as little attention as possible. And then get angry about that fact. And carry that anger to give you some fuel and strength to protect your boundaries (thinking of the work incident here, etc.). Women are taught from the very beginning that we have no agency so it is going to be extremely difficult to unlearn that. Sometimes I ask myself ‘what would a man do in this situation?’ What would a male coworker do if he was cornered and harassed? What would a man do if he was catcalled? What would a man do if a dick pic was forced in his face? I ask myself that because it’s just kind of expected for us to get this treatment so we let it pass (there’s also the issue of strength and power unfortunately — that’s what the mace is for! Level the gd playing field!), but it is not ok and a man would not put up with it. Blah sorry so long. And sorry you and I’m sure most women reading this have to put up with this. I have a 8 year old daughter and it’s killing me knowing her carefree spirit is soon to be crushed. And I’ve already witnessed a man act inappropriately with her. 8 YEARS OLD.
Sorry you have to go through this. I'm a guy and I hate when even my own friends do this around me to women they think are super hot. I tell them to stop staring or when they start cat calling I tell them to stfu and look at the girl and tell them sorry. Honestly only thing I could say is becoming one with water my friend. As in, practice come backs and be a major bitch. Some dude starts rambling off about their dick, tell them that you had bigger or Laugh in their face and say "that's it?" with a serious disappointed face expression. Nothing gets more to a dude when they get called out for their shit.
Well, how do you deal with it? It can't be easy. It seems that what you're currently doing isn't satisfying you. What would have been satisfying in the above situations? Maye try that next time.
Have you considered moving to a place that is, people-wise, not a shithole?
I didn't have the same problem as you, but I did move away from a place that was just awful people. Life's been good since then. Too bad I took up with it for the first 25 years of my life.
Get over it???