I see "sex addiction" thrown around on Reddit. Sex addiction is not being horny or having a high sex drive. Sex addiction is so much more than that. This is my story of sex addiction. This is a throwaway account.
I was introduced to porn at a young age. Around 5 years old or so. I had a teenage baby sitter who would constantly turn it on. She would also make me do things with her sister, the same age as I.
When I was 9 or 10, I was a Pop Warner cheerleader. My mom was the head of the cheer organization. Her assistant had a daughter a few years older than I. The daughter and I would play and she would take me in her closet and have her way with me.
I remember being 10-11 years old and compulsively masturbating and watching porn every chance I got. When I would stay home from school, my parents would be at work. I would watch porn all day long. And highly graphic porn at that. I was already using a high powered vibrator and masturbating every chance I got.
I lost my virginity at 15 to a 24 year old I met online. We slept together many times for several years. We disconnected after a while, and wound up reconnecting years later. The plan was to hang out and get high. He started to reminisce about when we first met. The way he described coming to my house and sneaking in while my parents were gone, it sounded like he was proud to have fucked a teenager as a grown man. It upset me very much and I wound up leaving. I realized many years after the fact I lost my virginity to a predator.
At 16 years old, I met a near 30 year old man online. It started consensual. He wound up sodomizing me. I was raped at 16 years old. He tried to take a piece of jewelry of mine. He wanted a trophy.
By 20 years old, I had slept with 75 men and numerous women. I got in an LTR around this time and married the guy at 22. I cheated on my husband over and over again. I got busted. I continued to cheat. The rush of meeting someone. The rush of sneaking around. I felt no guilt. Even after being caught, it did not slow me down. When he finally had enough and left me, I had a nervous breakdown. I got my first sex addict label. I went to a psychologist and group therapy. It slowed me down a little, but I decided I was too sane for pills and not as crazy as the other people in the group and stopped going.
I was proud to rack up my numbers. The thrill of the hunt. I was so good at it. My record was 5 men in a day. I'd regularly be with 2 men in a day. Numerous men a week. Anytime. Anywhere. Work. Public. Home. Whenever.
I got actively involved in swinger parties. I went to a bunch. I was in my element. I did 5 guys and 4 women once in a night.
I also got involved in prostitution. Mostly just blow and go scenarios for quick cash. Sometimes for weed. I made $500 for someone to fuck me in the ass.
I was blowing people at one job in a storage room. I got a different job and was somewhat caught fucking someone in my car. My boss heard through the grapevine and confronted me. I admitted what I had done and he threatened to go to our higher boss and have me fired.
I had a 10+ year affair with a married man. His wife still doesn't know he has a child with me.
At 30something years old, I have had PIV intercourse with over 300 men. That number does not include just oral or not penetration sex. If I were to include that stuff, the number is well over 500. It amazes me that I have been able to fit all that in (no pun intended).
Last year, I met a fellow addict and our relationship really intense. Our stories were exactly alike. The whole thing really fucked me up. I decided to go back to therapy. I divulged things to my therapist I never told anyone. With his help and guidance, I have been able to slow down significantly. I went from having sex with 3-4-5 men a week or more, to maybe having sex once or twice a month. I haven't slept with a new person in over 6 months. I was also able to tell someone about a deep, dark secret I had been holding for around 20 years. Something that is truly terrible. I rarely have feelings of guilt or shame, but this was something that stuck with me forever. To finally rid that weight was amazing.
I am a better person overall. I'm a way better mother too. It has been a long road and every single day is a struggle. This particular addiction is tough because sex is a basic human need. I still like sex but it's finding the balance of what is good and right versus the quick fix. I still have some slip ups but I'm good at catching myself before it gets too late.