After my life turned into a dumpster fire about 5 months ago, stress and depression 100% destroyed my libido. Not just towards my partner but completely. I think I masturbated maybe twice? And that was more a base biological drive rather than a desire for sex.
I did talk to my partner and explained it wasn't him, not at all. He was still just as attractive to me as ever (he was and is), he had done absolutely nothing wrong, but I just couldn't. We had tried a couple times at my suggestion hoping I'd get into it once we started and it just didn't feel right. I simply couldn't clear my head, my body wouldn't respond at all, I didn't even want to be touched. I tried watching porn, fantasizing, dressing up, all the usual but I just couldn't.
We have a weird sort of grey area relationship so I told him if he wanted to wait around and see if if I eventually got my shit together or if he wanted to move on, either was fine with me, but know that I could not give ANY sort of timeline. Maybe my sex drive would show back up tomorrow, next week, in a month, a year, or never.
He said we would just take it day by day, everything was fine for now and while he obviously wouldn't wait around forever (nor would I expect him to) he understood why I was having problems and we would just give it some time. We were still affectionate with one another but I also made sure to set a boundary that at least for now, sexual activity was off the table.
I didn't need more expectations. And the loss of my sex drive was upsetting to me too. It's a part of how I see myself that was just suddenly missing, and every time we had a failed attempt it was even more upsetting.
Eventually some of the stresses resolved and I'm finding myself interested in sex again. Obviously I want to communicate this to him but I'm not quite sure how.
Obviously just jumping him is an option lol and I don't think he would mind. But then that also might raise more questions to him. Was this a one time random occurrence during which my libido showed up for 15 minutes but overall it's still low? And honestly I don't really have an answer for that. I feel sexual now more than I did, but I'm still not back at "baseline".
Just bringing it up seems awkward too. "Hey, my libido seems to be recovering a little, so we can start having sex again" just seems to.... something. Passionless? Formal?
How have any of you who have had a similar thing happen reintroduce sex without it being awkward or ambiguous where things stand?