(I was told by the r/relationships mods to post on here)

I promised my girlfriend many times that I’d lose my virginity to her on my 18th birthday. On my birthday she cooked us dinner and we spent a few hours cuddling at her apartment. She said she had a special present for me. I waited in her room and she came back naked.

She spent 15-20 minutes on foreplay making sure I got into the mood. We transitioned to intercourse but I felt like I wasn't ready. I told her, and she was sad about it. I said it wasn't her fault and reassured her that I found her incredibly sexy and attractive but I didn't feel ready yet. She told me I broke my promise. I told her I was sorry and wanted to make it up to her by making her orgasm in a different way. She told me I was rejecting her birthday present. She made the point that she had waited a whole year before having sex with me.

She started putting a condom on my penis and I told her to stop. She didn't and told me to lay down and let her ride me. She got on top of me and I felt uncomfortable. I started crying but I couldn’t give myself the willpower to tell her to stop. She saw I was crying and kissed me. She said everything would be okay. Eventually I orgasmed and she finally stopped. I locked myself in her bathroom and started crying. She was on the other side of the door, crying too. She apologized profusely. She told me her pleasure wasn't worth my pain and she would do anything to make me feel comfortable around her again.

That was a week ago. I love my girlfriend but what she did to me wasn’t right. This is the first time she has done anything to hurt me. We don’t have arguments and she always shows respect for the boundaries we’ve set, except that time on my birthday. She apologizes about the incident everyday and begs for my forgiveness. I don't want to leave her, I still love her dearly.

I don't know how I should handle this. For the past week she has been trying to show me how sorry she is and how much she cares. She's been writing notes to me everyday saying all the things she loves about me. Occasionally I’ll get little gifts from her, nothing big. Stuff like “Hey this flower reminded me of you so I picked it up.” she offered to fully pay for the next 5 dates we went on. She said we could go anywhere I wanted. She asked if there was anything else she could do to make amends with me. I told her I didn’t know.

Was I supposed to call the police? Tell my parents? I’m comfortable with her touching and kissing me now. On the other hand, it’s seriously fucked up that someone I love and care about would hurt me in this way. I think the obvious answer would be to break up and run as far away from her as possible.

Edit: wow, I got a lot of responses. I'm so sorry for not replying to any, I just feel so depressed knowing that my girlfriend is a rapist. I know I have to break up with her, but it's hard, because I still love her dearly. Thanks again for all the support.


tl;dr: My girlfriend of 1 year forced me to do intercourse with her on my birthday. I’d promised her many times I’d lose my virginity to her on my birthday. She didn’t make a fuss about it or tried putting blame on me. She apologized right after we finished having sex. For the last week she’s been trying to show me that she’s sorry and cares about me. I’m seriously conflicted on what to do. I love her and I’m comfortable being intimate with her now but what she did to me is unacceptable.