Background: I am a 21-year-old female and my boyfriend is a 22-year-old male. We met while in college and have been together for almost 2 years. He decided to graduate school 1 year early, so right now I am finishing up my last year of school while he is working a full-time, salaried job (not that it matters). He went to school in the state that I live in so as of right now he is at home in a different state. While I am at school we are about 3 hours from each other. While I am at home we are about 2 hours from each other.
The juicy stuff: My boyfriend came up to spend the weekend with me (and his friends) at school for the weekend. We haven't been able to see each other for about 3.5 weeks due to our schedules (we typically aim to see each other every other weekend or so). Our Saturday was going well and we spent the day shopping, laughing, and having an amazing time. It felt so amazing to have him back and the two of us were having a great day.
We decided to go for sushi for dinner after our fun day. We sat down at a table and after 15 or so minutes my boyfriend said, "We need to talk." I knew that it had to be something serious because he never says this to me. He began telling me that he thinks we should open our relationship because he is missing something. He misses the lust, the thrill, the passion that comes from making out with someone while out at a bar. Aka, he wants an open relationship that only involves making out, kissing, dancing with random people he meets on a night out.
He said that he loves me. He can see himself having kids with me, marrying me, having a future with me... but something is missing. He said he does not want to "miss out on his 20s, his fun times, etc." and he told me that the distance isn't helping.
I panicked. How could I be with someone that isn't happy? I told him that I think if he feels this way that we should break up instead and if life brings us back together then so be it. My reasoning for breaking up is to prevent him from feeling resentful towards me if we do end up having a future together. He told me that he would not consider breaking up with me because we live in different states... he feels that if we break up there would be no way we would magically end up back together.
I made it clear that I would have no desire to make out with anyone else and that this would be for him. I cried to him but said that if this is what it takes for us to be together then I will try it. I said that I do not want to know about it, see it, hear about it, or know who the other girls are. He agreed and said that none of those things would happen. The next day we had a tear-free conversation about it and I realized that I loved him and maybe I would have to sacrifice this. I asked a few questions that I had lingering and he answered them. He told me that he felt stupid for bringing it up and hearing himself talk out loud about it and isn't even sure if he would act on it. I told him that now that I know he isn't fulfilled in our relationship and that he's missing something that we either break up or have an "open" relationship... I cannot be the person that makes him regret his past, etc.
Flashback to yesterday: it is Monday and he is home... I woke up with a pit in my stomach. I feel sad, hurt, insecure, and am questioning everything. I have cried 3 times today feeling like my relationship is over and doomed. I spoke to my one true friend about it and felt better venting and letting it out to her. I'm still confused but feel less like I need to throw up.
Today: I feel better, but am still unsure. Is this the wrong move for my relationship? Am I being a good girlfriend by allowing this? What if something more happens and I get hurt? Should I break up with him and avoid all of this even though I love him? Am I overreacting?
PLEASE help me, give me advice, ANYTHING.