|Submited on :||Wed, 14th of Feb 2018 - 03:31:00 AM|
|Post ID :||7xby3d|
|Post Name :||t3_7xby3d|
|Post Type :||text|
|Subreddit Type :||public|
|Subreddit ID :||t5_2qh3p|
"you go to war with the army you have, not the one might want or wish to have" - Donald Rumsfeld, talking to the press about your boyfriend
Letting him know that you find him attractive now and that you would like to see him naked or less clothed how he is could help with his confidence, instead of thinking of it as you don't care.
Is he doing anything to get into better shape?
Likely a penis size self confidence issue
It sounds like he thinks sex is about two perfect bodies lusting after each other’s perfection. (The way Hollywood, advertising, etc. treat sex, it’s understandable.) Try to help him transition into seeing it as a loving celebration of who you two are, just as you are.
Nothing wrong with his desire to get in better shape. But he mostly needs unconditional self acceptance. That can be just as sexy as the hottest bod to ever grace a fashion magazine.
I dont think he's confident about his penis
Give him space and time. Focus on the relationship aspect. If sex is really that important to you and you don't feel like you can wait for the long haul without it, explain that to him but also prepare to part ways. He's gone a while without ever having sex, so it might not be that big a deal to him to continue waiting. Keep it part of the conversation, but remember to not be pushy. His first time will be WAY better if he's feeling more comfortable in his own skin and with you supporting him vs. it being a forced encounter.
This is a tough situation. Does he have an eating disorder? Maybe he thinks he's fat when he's not? Or has he been working out, or eating more thinking he's to thin? There has to be some psychological reason for his thinking unless its something else?
Maybe he is afraid he'll let you down sexually if he's a virgin or he thinks he has a small penis? Maybe he's just not mentally ready and he doesn't want the relationship to change? He may think "what if we have sex and I'm not good or if I don't like it?"
You should just let him know how you feel. Just sit him down and say "I don't want to pressure you, I just want to understand. This is something we should talk about and once I understand we can go on otherwise I'm just kind of confused". Something to that effect. If you talk to him in a caring way, give him eye contact and hold his hand he shouldn't feel pushed and maybe he'll tell you whats going on in his head.
He's attractive and has a great personality but hasn't even dated at 23? That seems weird to me, have you asked why?
Maybe he used to weigh 300 lbs and he has a ton of loose skin he doesn't want to show you? That's not a normal level of self-consciousness. Either he has some kind of dysmorphia which is preventing him from being interested in romantically connecting with anyone, or he's got some kind of other issues, maybe performance anxiety?
You need to discuss it further and figure out really why he's so hesitant.
Edit: In case it wasn't clear, I'm straight up saying that it has nothing to do with his body needing to be in better shape. There is a deeper issue there.
I’m not saying he’s gay, but his boyfriend might be.
23 and totally great but has ZERO relationship experience? Yeah something's not adding up here.
You can try the advice here but honestly it sounds like he's a fixer upper. He wants to wait for sex until he's in better shape. Seeing real results takes months. And when will he decide he's in "good enough" shape?
"My arms are still skinny, I want to work on them more first". "I still have some belly fat I'm ashamed of."
See where this could be going?
I'd be a little more blunt in talking with him, personally. What I'd say is "First off, I would never pressure you into anything you didn't truly want to do. It's only fair, tho, that you know where I stand so we can both make the choices that we feel are best for us. Sex is important to me in a relationship. Without it, I don't feel the same connection. It's an important part of the way I bond with people. I think you're perfectly attractive the way you are and honestly it hurts a little that you feel I would judge you for your body. If I weren't attracted we wouldn't be dating. I understand how you feel about yourself is important too, so I'll help you in any way I can. But I can't be in a relationship that doesn't progress."