|Submited on :||Wed, 14th of Feb 2018 - 01:34:56 AM|
|Post ID :||7xb25p|
|Post Name :||t3_7xb25p|
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|Subreddit ID :||t5_2qh3p|
Wow. First of all your thinking is fucked up. Just because you’re not chasing pussy, doesn’t mean you’re gay. You are, or you’re not.
Step 1. Figure that out.
Second, if you don’t like yourself, it’s going to be very difficult to find someone that does, because you have no confidence in yourself.
Step 2. Learn to like yourself. You’re self improvement efforts has you halfway there, but work on the mental aspect.
Step 3. Congratulate yourself for getting out of the destructive habits.
Step 4. Quit worrying about your dick. It’s not the only thing to mind blowing sex.
Step 5. Quit worrying about being a virgin. Everyone’s life is different.
Step 6. Fuck societal pressures and find a way to make you, yourself happy with the image that is reflected in the mirror.
Todd, you need to watch Bojack Horseman S3E2.
Learn how to listen. Figure out how to get people to talk about what they want to talk about. Be a resource for people but only when they ask you to be.
Accept everyone on their own merits. Find the good in all people.
Do interesting stuff. Of course you do that, but try to do stuff outside the meme. Be aware not to go too far down any particular rabbit hole.
Give it a break. Accept that you are who you are and likely will never get any. Not trying can be more successful than trying, or not successful at all. Read the serenity prayer thrice.
Consider a female therapist. Switching therapists is a thing, esp. if you're not comfortable saying things to the one you've got. Postpone your next appt, try a new therapist, see if you like that one better, and then decide if you want the first or the second.
or, go to Amsterdam.
I'm 5 yrs behind you, did you develop any wizard powers I might look forward to obtaining myself?
27/M virgin without having ever kissed a woman here! Just hang in there. You already took the first step, going to a therapist. You'll do okay!
I think you are overthinking a little. I would keep working on bettering yourselfwith exercise, and looking good. Then i would just try to find a nice GFE escort to help you gain some confidence and get that virginity out of the way. Then i would just start talking to women daily, make it a challenge for yourself. Go to a starbucks 20 minutes from your house and just practice working on the anxiety. I think you would be surprised how it’s really not all that big of a deal. When dating rejection and uncomfortableness will happen, but that’s for everybody. You are not alone!
Looks are like a car; both have a depreciating value. As I got older, I started to become less enthralled with petite blondes with perfect tans, and more into those who can stimulate and challenge me intellectually. There are various sites you can go to for dating. For example, my friend is into breath play past the point of consent. It's a hard fetish to fill. If you want to PM me yours so I can give you more adequate guidance, that's totally fine. Otherwise, check out fetlife.com -good site for alt fetishes. I know it's not a lot of encouragement, but my grandfather always said, "A stove ain't built so crooked that a pot ain't made to fit it". There is someone or some people out there for you, but you need to be assertive at least a little bit. Sounds like bad advice, but do something that is terrifying, like skydiving or bungee jumping. How scary is someone rejecting your advances when you were already thrown to your possible death at terminal velocity? It also makes a good story for your first date.
OP, I am so glad you’re seeking help and advice. Proud of you!
I suggest you try to open up to your therapist. Us guys who bloomed later (yes I’m in that group), in my eyes, tend to have some pretty fucked up history with male relationships. Penis envy and self image have a lot to do with this. Opening up to another man about your issues might help ease a lot of tension and make you realize some new things about yourself. I totally empathize with this. I love my dad but he wasn’t open with me as a child or adolescent. He never assured me of my own identity and masculinity and it affected me deeply. I love the guy but if I ever have children I want to do better for them than he did for me. You (as well as I) need to work on viewing other men as brothers and accepting the beauty in the male friendships we have. Not all men think this way; you don’t need those that don’t in your inner circle.
Keep working on yourself. You can’t force anyone to like you. However, your chances of someone being into you are much higher when you are happier with yourself, have goals, self respect, and have your life generally together. You can definitely date and work on relationships while you do this, but your main focus should be on yourself, your mental and physical wellbeing.
One thing that helps me: fake it till you make it. No. This does not mean lie and be someone you are not. It means that the mind and body are connected. Changing your mindset is hard. However, if you start making changes in your actions, your mind can follow. Say hello to that pretty cashier, complement her hair or her smile. Complement other men on their new shirt or their friendly attitude. Start acting more outwardly open and your mind will begin to align. Start small and work your way up.
I wish you well and I hope you come to realize that you can be the person you want to be with effort over time. Aspire and work hard, but don’t feel like it needs to happen today or tomorrow. Real change takes time but the effort is worth the payoff.
Went to an all boys school, lost virginity just short of 30.
Carry on improving your build and also go on dates. Without practice there is no success. If you fail on a date, do not be resentful about it, treat it as a learning experience. Dating is generally a numbers game, and if you date enough, you will eventually succeed with one or more.
If you're that worried about sex being some kind of barrier, go see a professional and get it out of the way.
If this is just a post about how you're fat and ugly and just don't think you could find a woman to get with, then keep seeing the therapist, you're in the right place.
Get over the therapist thing man, you clearly need it. That’s not an indictment. We all have our baggage. But you’re in a kind of precarious place where you’re ready to grow and need some significant guidance to progress you in a positive direction. Get to a therapist.
As far as the kink goes, without know what it is, I can’t really give you any meaningful advice. I will say that all-consuming kinks that exclude vanilla sex will complicate your relationship building (which is often necessary in developing the trust needed for high level kinks). You should work on retraining your brain and body to allow yourself to participate in “regular” sex if that’s an obstacle. Sounds hard and is, but it’s entirely possible.
[update] I (28f) was very angry with my husband (31m) for taking extreme risks during skiing while we have two small kids. After the responses to that post and some more vacation events, I realized that I was unreasonable. I've apologized to him but reiterated my fears.