My girlfriend and I are coming up on 3 years (1 year of that living together as of April) and, her conservative upbringing, lack of sexual/relationship experience, and adventurousness aside, we're a great match. We're still affectionate, still having fun, supportive of each other, etc., but sex has been a problem. A few months into our relationship I started noticing changes that were pretty off-putting. Specifically body chemistry and hygiene problems that both cause and compound each other.
In no particular order, here are the things that I'm having trouble with: -Pubic hair longer than I'd like (my issue, not hers and also not a ridiculous 70s bush) that seems to hold onto urine & sweat smell that becomes stale after a day of activity.
-Weight gain that has caused increased sweating during the day.
-Gut dysbiosis -- leaky gut at the very least -- that causes the sweat in that area to be stronger-smelling.
-Frequent trips to the bathroom because of the gut issues (especially after foods like coffee, spicy foods, etc. that exacerbate everything).
-Insistence on wearing full-coverage, non-breathable underwear at least some of the time.
-Wearing bulky pads instead of smaller ones and/or tampons during period.
-Lack of thoroughness in the shower. Ex.: During sex on Saturday morning she still had the pungent sweat smell and had lint in her butt crack from Friday even after showering. I only mention this because these are just the spots she missed that I can see.
I've found these things to be pretty off-putting to the point that we end up only having sex 3 times a week at most, but more often just once even while living together because I just can't get turned on. If things were different, I think we'd both be up for some kind of sexual activity every day.
I know the overall advice for this problem is to just man up and say it. I guess I'm just looking for advice on the nuances of the approach that will minimize the devastation it'll cause -- especially because at least some of it could be symptoms of depression.