This was just so surreal that I felt like I had to share.

Last night I had one of the worst dreams I've ever had. My mother was dying of a wasting disease, and we were all just waiting for the end. I ended up finding a letter that she clearly meant for me to read after she was gone, which just about did it for me. I jerked myself awake, shedding manly tears...

...and totally throbbing.

No, I'm not secretly into that, and yes, my mother is fine. All men get 3 to 5 erections a night, during REM sleep, and sometimes when waking up. It's supposed to support the health and function of your penis. I figured I might as well be educational.

...Call your mother. Tell her you love her.